Shame, sex and chocolate. Aalaa wants me to observe lent

It’s Friday night and I am arriving to the cinema alone. I want to see Shame. Just as I am getting cosy in the armchair I hear the facebook message coming in. It’s Aalaa:

 - Domi!!!!What are you giving up for lent??? Says the message (original punctuation)

 - Sex. I reply. (Absolutely the first thing that comes to my mind given my desire to see this film and given the ‘alone’ status of this evening. My life stinks - is my second thought. Is this a couples only screening? - comes as third)
 - Ah, come on dude, that’s too easy. You are married. Lent is about giving up something serious, like chocolate. - Yemeni princess does not give up.

Now this is brilliant, I think. Not only a Muslim girl corners me wanting to do something utterly catholic, that, I assume, is her rather fancy caprice to bring down her sugar intakes, but also, let’s be honest, she reads me through like an open book.

-   I am giving up chocolate, sweets and procrastination!!! - Aalaa exlaims. By this time Michael Fassbender already manages to come in his own shower.

- I hope, I am writing trying not to make any links between Fassbender sperm and chocolate, that procrastination means starring at the mirror - I am writing back in the hope she will get the point. Procrastination means putting things off. Allaa always puts things off. It’s like with giving up sex. Far too easy.

-  Domi! You should give up something you really like. That’s what lent is about - obviously my princess is in the know

By that time Fassbender manages to hunt down a girl in the metro and masturbate himself in the male loo at work. Couples around me exchange the look of superiority. Now, at least I know why they are here

-  I can’t wait for Ramadan darling - I text cheerfully to Aalaa.  I will make her fast and watch Hunger everyday of the fasting. Ah and the The Great Feast.  And perhaps, un peu of Chocolate. Perfectly sweet catholic revenge.